https://www.siphonophorestyling.com/blog daily 0.75 2024-09-14 https://www.siphonophorestyling.com/blog/self-confidence monthly 0.5 2024-09-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/66d665145bffc1537c8b0b39/6753d9cb-b9b1-4a0c-aed1-0ae3210e1e77/pexels-alaxmatias-13417447.jpg BLOG - Building Self-Confidence What do you actually do to start forgiving yourself and eventually learning to love yourself? I think the first step is investigating why you do the things that you do. Until you understand what your motivations are, it’s hard to offer yourself compassion or forgiveness, and it will be easier to slide back into those same patterns. Figuring out why you did the things that you did is a process that can be hard and often emotional, so if you can, a therapist is a great resource for this. They can help you explore your emotions in a way that feels safe, and potentially help you think of connections that you wouldn’t have otherwise seen. If you don’t have access to a therapist, I like the “five whys” as a tool to dig a little bit deeper. It works like this. Think of something that you did that hurt someone else. Then ask yourself why you did it. When you come up with that answer, ask yourself why again, and again, and again, until you get to a root cause of the behavior. This could be something like, “I stole from my friend because I needed money and she had money.” “Why?” “I needed money because I wanted to buy a new dress.” “Why?” “Because if I don’t update my clothes, my friends will judge me.” “Why do you think they’ll judge you?” “Because I’ve seen them judge other people, and I don’t want to be judged.” “Why?” “Because I’m afraid that they won’t want to be friends with me.” “Why?” “Because I don’t think I would be able to make new friends.” “Why?” and so on, and so on. Usually the core of negative behaviors is some kind of belief that we hold about ourselves or about the world, like that we’re unlovable/evil/not good enough/a fundamentally bad person, or that the world is a dangerous place, or that other people are inherently selfish. Once you get to those core beliefs, you can start to challenge them. This will feel stupid at first, because your brain genuinely believes that the core belief is true. But the more you challenge that belief, the more your brain will start to accept other possibilities, and eventually, it will start to believe something else instead. For example, if a core belief is “I deserve bad things to happen to me because I’ve been a bad person”, you might challenge that with, “all people do bad things sometimes, but nobody deserves bad things to happen to them.” The more times you say it to yourself, the more you’ll start to believe it. https://www.siphonophorestyling.com/blog/achieving-goals monthly 0.5 2024-09-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/66d665145bffc1537c8b0b39/1726282355400-HWJ8TF9O5N0Q6UYXX0FJ/pexels-thoinamcao-10435588.jpg BLOG - Achieving Your Goals There are two specific tools that are super helpful in increasing the likelihood that you’ll achieve your resolutions. You may have seen me talk about them on here before- they’re SMARTER and WOOP. SMART(ER) is a tool to help you set the right goals for you. Too often, we set goals like “I’m going to start exercising” or “I’m going to quit going on my phone”. Those are great in theory, but without an action plan, it’s easy to not follow through. SMARTER goals are ones that are: Specific (simple, sensible, significant). If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it. Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved? Measurable (meaningful, motivating). Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come. A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”? Achievable (agreed, attainable). Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful. If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress. An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?” Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based). Relevant goals are ones that matter to you. Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing. A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?” Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive). Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward. A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?” Evaluate Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals. Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them. Readjust If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals. That doesn’t mean that you’re failing at your goals or that you should quit; it just means you have to rethink the approach you’re taking. Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short. Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it. https://www.siphonophorestyling.com/blog/finding-passions monthly 0.5 2024-09-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/66d665145bffc1537c8b0b39/0c5c9223-6a88-4d63-83c1-93106f781b3f/pexels-vlada-karpovich-8452053.jpg BLOG - Finding Your Passion When searching for your passion, I would suggest making a list (no matter how short), of the things you love, the things you’re good at, the things the world needs, and the things you can be paid for. Look for overlaps in each category, and try your best to think creatively about how you can combine the different categories. For example, maybe you love movies, you think the world needs to know about global warming, and you’re good at organization. Your ikigai in that case might be to be a coordinator on documentaries that focus on global warming. It’s a job that pays pretty well, and also incorporates the other sections on your list, so it’s likely to feel fulfilling. Moving away from this exercise, there’s this story that I think about a lot. A great uncle told it to me, and I always assumed it was a story from his life until one day I discovered it was actually a chain email called The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman and the Banker. I still think about it a lot, though, and it’s shaped the way I view work, so maybe it will be useful to you as well. It goes like this: An American investment banker was taking a much-needed vacation in a small coastal Mexican village (in my uncle’s story, the fisherman is from Kalymnos and he dives for sponges) when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. The boat had several large, fresh fish in it. The investment banker was impressed by the quality of the fish and asked the Mexican how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.” The banker then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican fisherman replied he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. 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